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Scientists encode a book into DNA. Romney makes birther joke. BRITNEY Spears talks to Mars. Obama takes too much credit for KILLING Bin Laden? Ryan PRETENDS he like Medicare. Kim Kardashian’s sense of IRONY. Can the news cover 2 STORIES at once? (They actually debate that.) Senate candidate says women’s bodies can fight off “legitimate” rape. SNOOKIE has a baby for some reason. Does DR. OZ have a thing for Paula Abdul? Did an American bank help IRAN launder money? Is Iraq helping Iran too? And is Iran helping Syria? Is Assad’s regime crumbling? Or are they gonna use chemical weapons? Prince Harry gets NAKED. Jeb BUSH sounds mostly reasonable on Meet the Press. ZERO PERCENT of Black people support Romney. More suicide bombings in Afghanistan. Pro-Obama Super-Pac accuses Romney of murder? Ecuador giving ASYLUM to Wikileaks founder. Robert PAttinson BREAKS his silence. Sandusky wrote a book? Biden says Romney will put Black people in CHAINS. Ahmadinejad THREATENS Israel’s existence again. Barack says Michelle tastes like CHOCOLATE. Apple becomes most valuable company of all-time. P#ssy Riot found guilty in Russia. Can weed make you a better athlete? Obama’s pop culture TASTES. Late Night news. Steve Jobs home robbed by a clown? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR LWOE FROM THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION! And check out for a news stories throughout the week.